


Wishes

by Najelen



Category: History (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Yijeong is gay; Kyungil and Dokyun swing both ways, no one knows where Sihyoung plays and Jaeho just loves sex, not sure about fluff though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2018-08-16 01:11:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8080921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Najelen/pseuds/Najelen
Summary: "So… Who is he?"
"Who is who?"
"The one whose name you cried out tonight."
"He’s no one."
“Liar.”
***
What if you’re such an asshole and jerk that you lost someone so close for you?What if you realized they were the love of your life?What if you found them again only to learn that they’re happy with their own life, the one that did not include you?What would you do?





	1. Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to [Lacerta](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lacerta/pseuds/Lacerta) for being an awesome beta reader!

Once again (for the third time in the past ten minutes, to be exact) Yijeong checked his look in a big mirror placed in a corner of his room. He didn’t know why the previous renter had brought this enormous piece of antic garbage to such a small flat, it was taking definitely too much place. But Yijeong didn’t have time nor will to get rid of it and now he was rather glad he could use it to prepare for his very first date with _him_.

_He_ was a tall, extremely good-looking brunet with a tanned skin, perfect body and the most beautiful eyes Yijeong had ever seen. The man was a famous model after all, the one that could get every woman with just one smile. And the one that decided to go on a date with an average boy who he had met in a grocery store.

Everything began with some shy smiles Yijeong received from a new customer. The boy didn’t know who the man was except for the fact he was handsome enough to turn his guts upside down every time he looked his way. That’s why the boy let his flirtatious nature do the magic and engaged the mysterious hunk in a small conversation when he came to pay for his purchases.

And then it started.

Kyungil, that was the guy’s name, was coming back regularly to chatter with his favourite cashier, always offering him a soft gaze and a warm smile. After a few weeks Yijeong finally decided to ask him out, or rather suggested they hang out together after his work. He didn’t expect much, he suspected the man was in some way interested in him but wasn’t sure on what level particularly. That day they went for a coffee. Another day they chose smoothies. Another one - it was wafers.

During those sweet meetings they talked and laughed a lot, learning about each other’s lives and hobbies. Yijeong was more excited than surprised about Kyungil’s occupation. What shocked the boy the most, was the age difference between them, he would never tell the model was already twenty-five, which meant whole six years older than him.

They had been going out for more than four months for now on. Their mutual attraction was almost tangible, yet none of them made any attempt to push it further, into more dangerous territory. If it was only up to Yijeong, they would have already hit a home run or at least moved to the third base, but the older one seemed a little bit shy and uncertain about confirming any relationship between them. It was understandable considering his job and lack of privacy, homosexual affair could destroy anyone’s career. That’s why Yijeong was ready to give the man as much time as he needed, so when Kyungil finally asked him for a date, a real one, the boy couldn’t stop smiling and jumping happily around for days since.

Another glimpse in the mirror confirmed that nothing in his presence changed or got ruined during those two minutes that passed since last checked. But according to a clock in his phone there were still fifteen other minutes that contained countless threats for his look, and he _had to_ look perfect for his perfect date. Yijeong was pacing from one wall to another nervously, occasionally shooting a worried gaze at his reflection.

Fortunately, the time passed quickly and uneventful, and the awaited doorbell still managed to startle him, making him choke on the already cold cocoa. His stomach sunk, sudden worry overwhelming him when bashful thoughts clouded his mind. _What if I won’t be good enough? What if he won’t like me more than a friend?_ To be honest, during those few months Yijeong fell hard for his new acquaintance but he would never ever admit it. Not until the other man confessed to him first. Another ring brought him back to the reality.

“Yijeong-ah, are you there?” Slight concern in model’s soft, smooth voice induced smile on the boy’s face.

“Yeah, gimmie a second!” Yijeong started frantically looking for something he could use to wipe his mouth from the brown liquid he had spitted out. Highly desperate, he grabbed a random shirt from a chair not bothering if he would be able to wash off forming stains. He also cleaned a wet puddle on a table before tossing the dirty cloth under the bed. Last checkout in the mirror and Yijeong was ready to open the door.

“Hey, I’m sorry I made you wait, I…” That was everything he managed to tell until the view of his date knocked all the air out of his chest. Kyungil presented simply incredible. Not that he had ever looked anything but perfect, though this time it was like he had just stepped down from the cat-walk. Yijeong stood in the door with his jaw on the floor, staring inappropriately and probably drooling.

“No worries at all. You look gorgeous,” Kyungil greeted him with a tender stroke on a cheek. Yijeong felt his face redden thanks to the caress and a sincere complement. “Um… I… I have something for you.” It was now the elder’s turn to flush when he pulled out his other hand from behind his back, holding a small but beautiful bouquet of red roses. The stunned boy accepted the gift with widened eyes.

“I feel a little bit girly,” Yijeong giggled admiring the gift, but noticing model’s puzzled look he burst out laughing. “You know, the flowers and stuff like that, men typically do it when they are going out with a girl.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to… I didn’t know what to.... It’s my first time asking out a boy and…” Kyungil’s face was now redder than a tomato, which Yijeong found quite adorable. But there was also pang of guilt for embarrassing the elder.

“Nah, it’s ok, actually it’s really sweet, thank you, hyung,” the boy tried to cheer the other up, receiving a shy smile in return. _Damn, how is it possible that someone can look so cute and manly at the same time?_ Yijeong asked himself, enjoying the sight. But he wouldn’t have been himself if he didn’t end completely polite. “But next time if you want to impress a boy you like, you should bring something more manly, alcohol could work – Jack Daniels or a bottle of soju.”

“But you’re not allowed to drink yet,” Kyungil responded with a chuckle.

“Oh, does it mean you like _me_?” Yijeong dared, his eyes bright with happiness. The look on the model’s face was worth more than a thousand words, but the boy hadn’t finish teasing him yet. “Then if you want to impress me that way, you’ll have to stick with me until I’m allowed, hyung.” This time they both laughed.

***

Yijeong smiled to the memories triggered by a photo on his cell phone’s screen. They had taken it just before he had left his bouquet in the flat and they had finally went for their date. It felt like it had happened many, many years ago, not just one and a half.

They had been so happy then – the meeting had gone seamlessly, leaving them both craving for more. They had even shared their first kiss, right after Kyungil had escorted Yijeong back to his apartment. It had been sweet and gentle – a goodbye, but also a promise of a new beginning, the sweetest one they have ever had. And after all this time, they were still happy, weren’t they?

_No, we’re not_. A sad, but true thought crossed Yijeong’s mind. He sighed, throwing his phone away, not really caring if it landed safely or not. _At least I’m not_. He wasn’t able to deny it any longer, he was doing it for almost five months. Although the late avowal didn’t help his sore heart. He missed that shy, adorable man he had met in the store. As much as he had been frustrated with the slow tempo of their relationship’s development, he preferred that to his present situation. Yijeong’s vision got blurry when his eyes watered suddenly. He harshly wiped them off not letting any humiliating tear to fell. He didn’t intend to pity on himself. _Damn, I need a drink. Or two. Or maybe the whole bottle_. But he didn’t move, curled in an armchair, staring blankly through a window.

On any other lonely evening, when his boyfriend was busy with his job, Yijeong would have gone to a small bar not so far from the house to check if they needed any extra help. He worked there three days a week even though Kyungil promised he would cover all their expenses. But yesterday, or rather today in the morning, Yijeong got fired. One of the customers couldn’t understand that boy’s responsibilities did not include any sexual close-ups. The man kept pestering and touching him until he snapped and gave the pervert a piece of his mind. He probably shouldn’t use his fist to do that, but first – he couldn’t allow himself any slip up, Kyungil was always too sensitive to any signs of cheating on him, and for the second, the gross guy deserved it. Unfortunately, said customer was one of a bar owner’s friends, so he easily discredited Yijeong, turning him into an aggressor, when his boss demanded explanation. Boy’s career in the bar ended quickly and painfully as he was kicked out immediately (and literally) and, to add salt to an injury, without a paycheck.

That’s why Yijeong ended up sitting alone in a dark room, longing for the past and for his boyfriend, despite the fact that the latter’s presence might be even more depressing than comforting nowadays. Right now the boy needed solace, and yet he was painfully aware that Kyungil wouldn’t be able to cheer him up.

The time flied unnoticeably, he probably dozed off at some point, because he didn’t hear when the model came back. It was a tender brush on his cheek – Kyungil’s favourite caress, that woke Yijeong up.

“Yijeong-ah, you shouldn’t sleep on a recliner, your back will hurt tomorrow. Were you waiting for me?” Those sweet words were coloured with a caring, however slight annoyance made a presence too. The younger one grumbled something incomprehensible in response, opening one of his eyes. He hardly recognized a figure crouching in front of him, his mind still foggy and hazed after the nap.

“Kyungil-hyung?” _Am I still dreaming?_ The man hummed in confirmation, stroking Yijeong’s hair admiringly. _Oh, so you’re affectionate today?_ “What are you doing here? No, I wasn’t waiting for you hyung, I didn’t know you’re gonna visit me tonight,” he managed to reply, his voice’s sleepy and raspy. “How’s the gala?”

“As always, long and boring.” Kyungil stood up, encouraging Yijeong to do the same, and the boy followed. “I need a shower, I’ll be right back. I’d love to cuddle you to sleep,” the model murmured leaning down to place a soft kiss on Yijeong’s forehead. He was in the middle of his way out of the room, when few quiet words forced him to turn back.

“We can shower together, if you want to, hyung…” Yijeong hated his voice right now. It sounded so weak, so pleading. Like he was _begging_ his boyfriend to spend some intimate time with him. Oh, well, he was. And he already knew the answer, it was written all over Kyungil’s face – discomfort, hesitance, guilt.

“Maybe another time, babe, I’m really tired right now.” A faint apologetic smile didn’t make up for the refusal, and Kyungil noticed that. “Do you want a hug?” He opened his arms inviting the shorter one to his embrace and Yijeong accepted the apology. It became a ritual for both of them. Yijeong would ask for a close-up, Kyungil would refuse, offering some affection instead and the first one would take it gladly, happy to get _something,_ at least. It was, however, his first attempt in a couple of weeks, the boy gave it up recently, fed up with begging. But today he needed it, he needed all the possible closeness, the feeling of being wanted.

Yijeong buried his face in Kyungil’s chest, deeply inhaling man’s scent, looking for a domestic safety hidden in it. Once again he was denied the luxury of fulfilling his wish, when a familiar yet hostile scent hit his nostrils. “You were with her, again.” Kyungil froze up tightening his grip around boy’s slim posture. “Jeongie, we talked about it already, remember?”

Yeah, they talked about it, and about many other _things_ , it appeared to become a part of their ritual. “We both agreed to those one-night… meetings with girls.” _Not really._ “I have to keep my image,” Kyungil continued with a monotone tone, perhaps bored or tired of explaining everything again and again.

Yijeong stepped back, still keeping a contact with his boyfriend. “She is not a one-night girl, hyung.” It was a statement confirmed by an unreadable flash Yijeong caught in Kyungil’s eyes.

“I already explained that to you too.” This time man’s voice was colder. “I’m not cheating on you, if that’s what you’re implying.” _And here it goes, Kyungil and his famous theory that you cannot cheat on a guy with a girl. And also “sex with them shouldn’t even count”, ‘cause “there’s no feelings involved”, yeah…_ Yijeong shook his head in disbelief and cut all the contact. _How can he be so dumb and blind?_ Not that he himself was innocent, he let it happen. He didn’t stop it in time, he kept on forgiving, acting like he bought all this nonsense, like it never hurt.

“Yijeong, babe, those are girls! I am with you, aren’t I?” Kyungil spitted those words barely hiding his rising annoyance. He really was dead tired and his so-called boyfriend, that was supposed to be here for him, started a meaningless argument. Again. That kid was too jealous and attention-demanding. “I’ve never slept with another _guy_!” It always ended their quarrels forcing Yijeong to acknowledge his mistakes. But this time the boy started to laugh, it was a bitter and dark sound. The laugh of someone who lost all his hope.

“Yes hyung, you are so fucking loyal that you even stopped sleeping with your own boyfriend!” As soon as Yijeong snapped he covered his mouth with both hands. He didn’t plan to voice his thoughts out, not those at least. But then, was there anything to lose? _Maybe I will finally get some answers_. “And I still don’t understand why. You did like it. You did!” All the suppressed anger and grief were now taking control of Yijeong making him scream. Kyungil seemed shocked at his sudden outburst.

“Is it all about sex? _Sex_? Are you kidding me?” Grimace marred model’s handsome face.

“Yes and no, hyung. It’s far more complicated than sex.” _Or rather its absence, but will you understand that?_

“Yes, it seems pretty complicated. You’re getting childish and grumpy when you’re not properly fucked, I got it.” Nastiness of this utterance hit Yijeong off guard, small gasp escaped his mouth. During all their relationship Kyungil had never been so harsh and spiteful towards him. _So now I am reduced to a whining burden that needed to be fucked to keep in a place?_ That hurt, that hurt freaking much. Especially because it was never about the sex in the first place. It was always about love. _I only wanted to be loved._ This time Yijeong kept his thoughts for himself murmuring “I’ll take a shower,” as he exited the room. He rushed to his bedroom, collected necessary things and then finally hid himself in the bathroom. Before he started the water he heard Kyungil settling himself in the kitchen. Judging by the noises the man was going to drink. _Great_.

Yijeong cleaned himself quickly. Not wanting to confront his boyfriend once again, he took advantage of the fact Kyungil was still occupied and slipped to the bedroom closing the door behind. He sank into bed using its covers as his new hideout. He wondered if the model would share the bed with him tonight or rather use a couch in the salon. Yijeong tried to fall asleep, not ready to find out. After an hour of failed attempts the silence was interrupted by the door’s creaking followed by the heavy footsteps. _So you still want to cuddle with me?_ Kyungil bunked himself down next to Yijeong and hugged him tightly. The boy didn’t move, faking a deep sleep, even though strong smell of alcohol was sickening him.

“I love you so much, babe…” the confession was almost inaudible. Yijeong’s heart rose in his chest with joy, he rarely heard those words. He wanted to turn, to kiss the man he loved, to reassure him about his feelings. But he also knew that it didn’t matter, in the morning everything would remain the same, Kyungil wouldn’t remember anything. But those words gave the boy hope, hope that maybe they would be able to solve their problems, they would talk and fix their falling relationship.

But then everything collapsed.

“Why can’t you be a girl, Jeongie? I wish you were one…”

The whole newborn faith burned into ashes, leaving the boy suffering in silence. There was no future for them, Kyungil would never fully devour himself in any relationship with another man. Yijeong knew he was lying to himself, especially since _that_ incident. And that’s why before the sun rose next day, he was already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder how many of you guys thought, after reading all those tags and summary, that it was Yijeong all along being an asshole and jerk. I did. Surprise. 
> 
> Soooo, that was the first chapter, hope you liked it! :)


	2. Baby Steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank everyone for your patience guys. I'm sorry for a late update, but I'm almost pretty sure I won't be able to update more frequently (it's my last year of studies, and I should probably focus on it...).  
> Anyway, it took me some time, but this chapter is a bit longer than I expected. I wanted every part to be like 3k word, this one is more than 4.6k and there are still some events that I didn't include, they have to wait for the next chapter. 
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy the story ^^

It was a middle of the night when Kyungil woke up from an unpleasant dream. His head was throbbing and his heart was pounding in his chest like it was going to break free any minute. The man groaned in pain, cursing his hangover state while trying to reach familiar warmth that should be right next to him. But his hand found nothing.

Another grunt, this time a disappointed one, left model’s lips. He opened his eyes, his vision was blurry, but it didn’t matter as it was still dark outside and not much of city lights sneaked into the bedroom. Yet it was enough to confirm the emptiness of the other side of the bed.

Kyungil had been starring at a vacant place for a couple of minutes before he gave up pointless attempts of using his will-power to bring back the missing element to complete the proper picture. “Fuck,” he sighed, getting up and heading to the kitchen. God, he needed some water, the unwelcome consequences of over-drinking last night were killing him.

He felt betrayed. After all this time, he should have already gotten accustomed to Yijeong’s absence, though it still hurt as much as it hurt the first time it happened. Or even worse. Every morning he woke up with a silent prayer to see the slim boy curled under the blankets, snoring slightly with that peaceful look on his face that made Kyungil melt inside.

But it’s gone. It’s gone and it’s all his fault.

A glass half-filled with water flew through the room, crashing on the wall and splashing the transparent liquid around.

 

***

 

It the darkness of the night two figures were leaning down on a balcony’s balustrade, enjoying not a very amusing view of the city’s outskirts. A small red-orange dot was blinking irregularly.

“So… Who is he?” asked the smoker.

“Who is who?”

“The one whose name you cried out tonight.”

The other person tensed up. He looked down at the empty street, as if he was expecting that the right answer could pop out right there. It was almost 3AM and chitchat about life mistakes was highly unwelcome. The unanswered question changed the comfortable atmosphere into an awkward silence.

“Hey, I’m not offended, you know.” A cloud of smoke dispelled on the wind. “It’s just sex. No feelings involved. If you want to, you can moan a whole phone book during our time together. I was just curious.”

The asked one still didn’t reply. At least not immediately.

“… He’s no one.” _You know exactly who he is, don’t you?_

“Liar.”

They stood in silence for a few more minutes before the smoker throw a butt away, aiming at a puddle right beyond their balcony. He placed another cigarette between his lips and lit it up, but his lover managed to steal it from him just before he could take a drag. Seconds later a rapid cough, followed by a mischievous giggle, broke the peace of the night.

“Those are not for you, Yijeong-ah~”

“Oh, shut up Jaeho.”

“I’m older than you, remember? Where’s your respect, you little brat?”

“Alright then, _please_ , shut the fuck up, _hyung_.”

“Fuck you, Yijeong.”

“Yeah, fuck me.” His another attempt with smoking worked much better than the first one.

“Right now?”

“Right now.”

Both figures disappeared in the room leaving behind a smell of nicotine, an unfinished, scorching cigarette and a few teardrops on the balustrade.

~~

The sunlight crept into the room ignoring the curtains and Yijeong’s disapproval. He was never a fan of the early mornings (yes, 11:56AM _was_ an early morning in his opinion), fortunately he didn’t have to get up yet. He let himself laze away, enjoying the warmth and softness of the bed. And damn, he needed that leisure sooo much.

He didn’t feel that sore for a long time. _Ugh, I shouldn’t have encouraged Jaeho for the next round, or at least I should ask him to swap._ He struggled a little with finding a comfortable position. His recent flatmate definitely had done a good job distracting him from painful thoughts during the night, but now Yijeong had to pay the price. _Fuck that, it’s still worth it._

His mind wandered back to the conversation he had with Jaeho on the balcony and to its cause. Yijeong easily recalled the events from previous evening. How he kissed the older man right after they came back from the mini concert Jaeho’s band had in Sihyoung’s club. How he pushed the musician onto the latter’s bed. How he made sure his lover wouldn’t go dry even though there was no lube in the apartment ( _How’s that even possible, Jaeho is_ always _prepared for sex…_ ). And finally how he moaned Kyungil’s name during his climax.

_Kyungil…_

For the past eight months Yijeong learned how to block the misery, sadness and anger connected with his boyfriend ( _It’s EX-boyfriend now, you idiot, remember that!)_. It wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be. Maybe he didn’t love the model as much as he claimed. Or maybe he gained enough practice bottling up his feelings since he moved to Seoul to live together with Kyungil.

But sometimes it was really difficult to stay calm when it seemed like the whole country adored the model, showing his face almost everywhere and every time. Kyungil became incredibly popular nowadays thanks to his recent involvement with the music industry. Not that Yijeong followed the man’s career, it was just impossible not to know those things when people were throwing that shit right in his face during his shifts in the club.

_“Oh, Kyungil-oppa is so hot and handsome!”_

_“Kyungil-oppa is so talented, his voice is sooooo sweeeet!”_

_“Damn, my girlfriend cannot shut up about that Kyungil guy. Not only he’s a fucking model, now he’ll be also a singer. She will dump me for his CD, man!”_

Shifts like this were filling Yijeong’s heart with frustration bit by bit. “I’m trying to forget about that asshole here, could you please shut the fuck up!?” he wanted to shout. To tell them how wrong they were, praising the man they didn’t even know. Kyungil was hot and handsome. He was talented and his voice was like honey. He might be a model and a soon-to-be singer, but he was a coward and an asshole. A cheater without a moral fiber.

But Yijeong was keeping his mouth shut, which lead to the previous night, when he let himself slip, when he betrayed himself pretending that it was the tall model he was with. Sex with Jaeho, despite musician’s great skills and experience in that subject, was never as good as it had been with his ex-boyfriend, simply because Jaeho wasn’t Kyungil. With Jaeho it was only a sheer pleasure, not an act of love and closeness. It fed his body but not his hearth, nor his mind.

He tried to move on, he already made a great progress. All those messed up feelings tearing him were now reduced to a dull pain. He tried to forget, to stop loving, but the stubborn feeling rooted itself deep down in Yijeong’s heart refusing to leave the cozy place, laughing at the helpless boy. _It was my first love after all, it will never let me fully bury it._ Luckily, there was someone who could offer him some kind of cure - a close friendship.

Yijeong peered at the man sleeping peacefully next to him. _Jaeho…_ A small grin blossomed on the boy’s face. He might not love his flatmate, but they were great friends and he was still freaking grateful towards the man for saving him from sleeping under the bridge during his first few (or maybe more than few) days as a single. Because when he finally decided to leave Kyungil, not everything went as Yijeong planned…

***

_8 months ago_

Yijeong got out of the bed he shared with Kyungil as soon as he was sure the latter fell deep asleep. Model’s sudden confession and immediate rejection were playing on repeat in boy’s head while he was mechanically picking up his belongings around the house and throwing them to a large sport bag.

Despite being with a rich guy, he didn’t have many things, or rather not many he really cared for. He didn’t pack any of the expensive gifts that Kyungil bought for him. They were… nice. But they also represented the distance between them. It was one of Kyungil’s ways to compensate him for a lack of closeness and contact. Or without sugar coating, the model always gave him something to shut him up when Yijeong wanted to talk about their relationship. That made the presents totally worthless in boy’s eyes.

He hesitated a little looking down at a luxury device he got for his last birthday. A phone was a must as he lost his job and it would be difficult to find another one without any way to contact him. But then taking this one meant he would still be somehow dependent on the older one, even after leaving him. Also those mobiles could be easily tracked down. _Yea, as if Kyungil would ever do something like that_. He shook his head, yet smiled happily right after. He still had his old cell somewhere in his room! Before heading there, Yijeong hesitated one more time, eyes glued to the expensive gadget. He came back and took out its memory card.

~~

The winter night was cold, much colder than five years ago. _Damn, I do hate February…_ But it wasn’t as half as bad as it had been last time. Sure, he didn’t have a place to stay, no dorm would save him from being a homeless this time, however he got some savings at least. It would allow him to survive for a while before finding a new source of income. And since coming back to high school solution wasn’t an option, he had to be quick.

But the main problem for now was a place to live. Crushing in one of his friends’ home would be the best idea, yet Yijeong didn’t know anyone here well enough to force his presence. As he thought about it, it was quite sad. He lived here for almost a year now, but the only close person he had, or rather had had, was his ex-boyfriend. Working in the bar seemed like a great occasion to get to know new people, but Kyungil’s possessiveness and overblown jealousy didn’t really help. Even though the other guys working there were jerks anyway, same as most of the clients.

Yijeong could afford a few nights in a cheap hostel, but he needed something more long-term, like renting a room or finding a flatmate. To be honest, moving out from this city also crossed his mind. He could save lots of money by simply choosing a cheaper area to live in. However any initial plans went to hell when Yijeong found out that even the capital was as dangerous at night as any other city in South Korea.

After he accidentally crashed into someone on the street, four angry beefcakes dragged him into a deserted alley. With a help of a few punches and a knife threat, they politely convinced him to give them all his money. Luckily enough they didn’t find all of it, as Yijeong, wiser from his previous experiences, had never put everything precious in one place. Some notes stashed in side pockets of the bag survived. So did his old Nokia, seemingly too old to be considered worthy of the majesty of the thugs.

Lighter by most of his savings (but richer by some nasty bruises), Yijeong was wandering aimlessly through the city, head down, eyes glued to the street, cursing his bad luck and the whole world all along. He was too absent-minded to notice someone approaching him and too angry and downed into self-pity to apologize after he collided with another human being second time this night. Ignoring a surprised yelp he tried to skirt around, but the other guy grab his wrist and pulled him closer. _Damn not again, please…_

“Hey, look where you’re going! You should at least say sorry!” Man’s voice was filled with irritation and it was obvious he waited for some reaction from Yijeong, probably for said apology. He tried to free his hand, but the grip on it was annoyingly tight and strong. So maybe being polite would save him this time.

“Yeah, sorry for bumping into you,” he said, avoiding stranger’s gaze, more and more anxious. He did have enough confrontation for tonight.

“Damn, you should at least look at… Wait, what’s that? On your cheek? Have you been beaten up?” The irritation was replaced by a curiosity and concern, when the other guy grabbed his chin tenderly and lifted his face to take a look. “Shit…” the man gasped and his eyes widened when he noticed the bruise on the cheek and a split lip. Yijeong wanted to turn his head, to cover shameful wounds and get as far from this weirdo as he could, but the latter didn’t give up easily, forcing the boy to finally look at him. Just in time to notice how the other’s eyes narrowed quickly and brows knitted together.

“Waaait, do I know you? You look familiar…” the stranger murmured quietly, like he was asking himself not Yijeong. At that moment the boy was done.

“Fuck off, you creep! Don’t you know better pick up lines?” He snapped pulling his body away from the other man, as the latter seemed to be too deep in his thoughts to concentrate on holding him. He planned to get away as fast as possible, though he was stopped once again. This time by shock, not a physical contact.

“Yaah, Yijeong-ssi, wait!”

 _Did this guy just call my name? How the heck…_ He turned around to face the guy that apparently knew him. Did they meet earlier? He couldn’t really get a proper look of the man, because half of his face was covered by a scarf. What he noticed though, were few silver strands poking out from under guy’s beanie. Yijeong couldn’t recollect any moment of meeting that strange boy (‘cause seriously, who dyed his hair _silver_?), he would remember that hairstyle for sure. So was that guy some kind of psycho that was stalking him or what?

“H-how did you…” he stuttered, his gaze’s piercing the stranger.

“Relax, I won’t do anything to you. I’m Jaeho by the way. And you are the guy that was unfairly kicked out from the bar last night, Yijeong-ssi, right?” _Oh, he’s one of the customers?_

“Yeah…” he grunted grumpily not knowing what to say or do. He wasn’t in the mood for polite conversation, although he felt a little bit guilty for being rude to his new acquaintance. His short answer didn’t discourage the silver-head, the latter remained friendly, calmly closing the distance between them.

“Those look nasty,” the man pointed at Yijeong’s face. “You should patch them up. You know what, I’ll help you with it.” Once again Jaeho grabbed his wrist, this time pulling him somewhere down the street, still talking. Yijeong was too startled by the sudden action, so he barely resisted. “When Sungmin-hyung told me that one of his co-workers has a really possessive and jealous boyfriend, I found it quite cute. But damn, beating your own boyfriend is definitely a big no-no.”

Yijeong peered at the man, Jaeho, dumbfounded, blinking slowly and trying to process newly received information. “Wait, you know Sungmin-ssi?” That was the first question that came to his mind. Sungmin was one of the bartenders at his previous job, and one of the nicest people there (it wasn’t that great an achievement, really).

“Yes, he’s one of my friends and band mates.” _Sungmin-ssi plays in the band?_ “He likes talking about his job, you included. And I was at the bar yesterday, I saw everything, but your boss was a dick and didn’t give a fuck about my explanations. Sorry, couldn’t help you. Oh, and I heard your name when that dickhead was yelling at you, so I connected it to the Sungmin-hyung’s stories and your face.”

After that explanation Jaeho looked a little less creepy than before, so Yijeong relaxed a bit. Albeit it didn’t change the fact, he was being dragged somewhere by an almost stranger. “Where are we going?”

“Here.” They stopped in front of a small building at the outskirts of the city. “My place.”

“Wait, what? I thought you’d take me to the hospital or something!” There’s no way he was going alone to some stranger’s home in the middle of the night. Or rather right before dawn, time passed surprisingly fast.

“C’mon, I won’t eat you, you can call Sungmin-hyung if it makes you feel better. My place is closer than any hospital, and it’s fucking freezing, so get your ass here and stop complaining.” Jaeho snapped opening the door and pushing Yijeong through them. “Second floor,” he added forcing the boy to walk first, putting his keys-free hand on his back. Once they arrived Jaeho opened another door, on their left, and gestured Yijeong to walk in. The boy reluctantly obeyed, taking off his shoes in the small hallway and entered a cozy room, probably a living room.

The silver-head forced him to sit on the couch, disappearing for a second, then coming back with a first aid kit and a bottle of vodka. Putting everything on the table next to them, he started tenderly patching Yijeong up. At that moment the boy remembered what the other guy had been blabbering during their walk.

“It wasn’t my boyfriend who beat me up.” He didn’t know why he was defending Kyungil. Sure the man wasn’t responsible for his physical abuse, yet it was somehow his fault Yijeong ended up on the street that night.

“Really?” Surprise was evident in Jaeho’s voice when he was gently tapping Yijeong’s cut lip with a cotton ball moistened with alcohol. “I heard some interesting stories about that guy, didn’t he make you an enormous quarrel one day, finding out one of the customers asked you out?”

Yeah, he remembered that moment. Kyungil visited him that night during his shift and overheard his conversation with Sungmin about the guy he served few days ago, the one who was shamelessly flirting with the boy, complementing him numerous times. Yijeong had accepted the nice words thanking him gently with a bright smile, but when the man had asked him for his number, he had politely refused.

However brushing the guy off didn’t stop Kyungil from accusing his boyfriend of being a flirtatious slut in front of the whole bar. Of course the model apologized him after that, or rather bought him a fancy bracelet with Kyungil’s name engraved on it. It was supposed to be a gift, but also a sign, that the boy was taken. _Sungmin-ssi has a big mouth…_

“Yeah, but that’s not the case. He has never hit me. Some assholes attacked and robbed me few minutes before I bumped onto you.” Suddenly he felt embarrassed. “A-and I’m really sorry for that…” This time those words were sincere.

“No problem.” Jaeho flashed him a small smile. Yijeong braced himself for more questions like what was he doing on the street at night with a sport bag, but his ‘savior’ remained silent until he finished his job, fully concentrating on the task.

When they were done, Yijeong stood up, ready to leave, not wanting to outstay Jaeho’s welcome and kindness. But the latter looked at him with wide eyes. “Where the hell are you going?”

 _Home?_ He wanted to answer, but yeah, he had none. Though he couldn’t reveal that to the musician, so “Home,” was the exact reply he gave.

“Stop lying, you ran away and you have no place to go.” Yijeong choked on the air bewildered. Was that guy some kind of magician or mind reader? Jaeho snickered.

“Yes, I am,” the silver-head stated with mysterious, hoarse voice and burst out laughing, watching in amusement how Yijeong’s eyes were growing wider while his face became really pale. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding, jeez, you’re just so obvious!” Jaeho managed to stutter between giggles, wiping his eyes. “You can stay here if you want to, I have a spare room,” he added stunning Yijeong even more.

“I-I c-can’t. I have no money to pay you and…” he declined stuttering, ‘cause damn, this guy was literally an angel now, but this was way too much. And one thing that Yijeong hated the most was being too dependent on someone. He already let Kyungil cross some borders he had set long time ago, and he wasn’t eager to run in another guy’s debt.

“It’s ok, you can pay in nature, no problem with it,” Jaeho teased winking , but this time he was the one to be shocked.

“Fine, but I won’t bottom. Anything other, works or me,” Yijeong answered, his tone serious, face emotionless.

“Hey, don’t get mad, I was kidd- Wait, WHAT!?” Jaeho was staring at him like he saw an alien, waiting for him to acknowledge he also was joking. Though the truth was, he was not. He might not be proud of the path he had chosen in his high school, but he would never be ashamed that he had survived. And if the price for staying here until he could earn for living once again was the same as for his last years of education (even somehow lower), that’s okay.

Jaeho gave him a puzzled look, understanding a seriousness of his statement.

“It was a joke, Yijeong-ssi,” the guy finally spoke, in the same tone as Yijeong before. “I may like sex, but I do not expect anything from you as a compensate for my offer. You can stay here as long as you want, and you will repay me when you can,” he continued looking at the boy. “So?”

Yijeong carefully judged the guy in front of him. They were almost the same height, and possibly same age (actually they were not, he found out later that Jaeho was a year older, but there’s no way he would address him as a hyung, nope). Jaeho seemed to be better build, but that wasn’t important, was it? The most outstanding part of him was his silver hair, long enough to probably cover half of musician’s vision. He didn’t look dangerous, strange yes, but also friendly. However, the first impression might be painfully misleading. _Should I trust him? He already helped me, but… No one is so kind, there’s always a catch._

On the other hand what other choices did he have? He could stay here, find a job as soon as possible and return the debt. Maybe Jaeho would agree and rent him the room for good? Or he could come back on the street, trying to find the cheapest hostel, knowing that in Seoul it still meant he’d have to starve as the prices here were some kind of cruel joke.

There was also one more solution. _I can always forgive Kyungil. He’s probably still asleep…_ But he didn’t want to. He knew that once he came back he wouldn’t be able to get out in a long time and he wasn’t ready to give up his happiness once again. _I’m not happy now, so what’s the difference?_ But something inside him was telling him that he should try and start over. Nothing ventured meant nothing gained. That’s why he decided to stay.

“Deal.”

~~

Living with Jaeho was fun. The guy was a vocalist and a rapper in a quite popular neighborhood band. It wasn’t the best way to earn for living, so he was also writing lyrics and composing for music companies. They were ready to give you real money for a good song. Although after few weeks Yijeong learned that Jaeho didn’t even have to work at all. His parents were damn rich, running a prosperous company in Seoul, and spoiling their son was one of their hobbies.

However Jaeho decided to live on his own. His parents agreed and supported him, even though the musician told them he’s not interested in business (nor studies, at least ‘not now’, as he said). The apartment he was occupying now was a part of this agreement, because Mr. and Mrs. Kim didn’t want their son living in any ‘inhuman conditions’. He could do whatever he wanted to do, as long he was safe and sound.

Yijeong took one of the three bedrooms. The first one was of course Jaeho’s, while the last one was quite special. ‘Cause Jaeho hadn’t lied, he did like sex and he needed a comfortable place for his frequent hookups. Since he was a musician, even if not a very famous one, he didn’t have a problem with finding willing partners, of both sexes. When Yijeong asked him about being bisexual, Jaeho simply shrugged.

“Boys, girls, blow up dolls, as long as you can have fun together it doesn’t matter for me.”

“That’s why you don’t have any pet, huh?” he teased, shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

“Yeah, animals are no fun,” Jaeho deadpanned, or Yijeong prayed it was one of the silver-head’s stupid jokes (it was, but still, the boy could never blot those words out).

A week after moving in, Yijeong applied for a job. Jaeho delivered the news that one of his friends was looking for a new bartender in his club. The job interview and probation went smoothly, so he was hired. That’s how he met Sihyoung, the club owner – a tall man with an intimidating aura, but with a heart of a jester and a title of the king of the ridiculous selcas.

Yijeong didn’t remember at which point exactly he started sleeping with Jaeho, maybe after a month or so? The older guy was clear, he didn’t expect nor want sex as a payment, but if Yijeong was willing for a casual fun, his bedroom door was open. At first the boy flatly declined the offer. Since then Jaeho didn’t bother him, although he invited him few times to a threesome (and even foursome) when he had his guests over.

Knowing what was going on in the last bedroom most of the evenings and being a healthy young man with needs, that hadn’t been properly taken care of for a long time, Yijeong finally cracked and agreed to Jaeho’s offer one night. It was exceptionally satisfying and worth consideration of the repeat, with only the two of them.

At the beginning he’d never agreed to bottom, it was something reserved for special people, like Kyungil (and maybe he was just a little tiny bit pleased that it was the silver-head whining about a sore ass, not him). But as time passed and his relationship with Jaeho developed, he finally let the latter enter the field dominated by one person so far. Permission was given not because of love, but because of trust. Not counting the pleasure and more variety in their sex live, Yijeong also hoped it would help him get over his ex-boyfriend, still present in his mind and heart.

Months later he found himself smiling happily at the sight of his flat mate sleeping next to him, with heart still broken, but ready to heal. He peered at the clock – 13:02PM, jeez he’d been totally spacing out for an hour. And Jaeho’s still snoring.

“Yah, wake up, you sleeping fright, or you’ll be late to your appointment,” he shouted hitting the unconscious musician with a pillow. The attacked one growled and shifted himself only to show the younger his middle finger. _How mature…_

Yijeong snickered. Yeah, he was quite happy.


	3. Moving on (or not)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, huh? I'm truly, deeply sorry T^T
> 
> About timeline:  
> • 1st chapter (Yijeong’s departure) ~ 02.2013  
> • 2nd chapter (night talk on the balcony) ~ 10.2013  
> • 3rd follows the 2nd one. So it’s still October 2013 at the begging

“You. Are. A fucking. Idiot!”

“I know, I’m sorry Yijeong-ah…”

“I fucking hate you Jaeho!”

“Oh, c’mon, don’t be like that, please…”

“I can’t believe you did this to me, you asshole!”

“I’m sorry, ok?! I’ll make it up to you, I promise!”

“I bet you will. You better had!”

Two friends were bickering loudly while Jaeho was piggy-backing Yijeong to his car.

“I will bottom for 2 weeks!”

“That’s not even a real punishment for you! And how do you think I’ll be able to fuck you with a plaster on my leg?”

“Don’t be such a pessimist, Yijeong. Who said you’ll need a plaster?”

“I heard a crack! I broke something, I’m sure of it and it’s all your fucking fault!” Yijeong shouted angrily, furiously poking musician’s cheek. “You’ll pay for it, I swear!”

“Yah, stop it or I’ll drop you!” Jaeho tried to defend himself, slapping younger’s hand with his own, causing Yijeong to slide down a little. The silver-head quickly grabbed boy’s tight again. “I’m really sorry, Yijeong-aaah. I didn’t mean any harm, you know that…” he added in a pleading tone.

Yijeong had all the rights to be angry at his flat mate. The man had an annoying habit of playing stupid pranks on people and this time he was the victim. Jaeho’s plan concocted for him was rather simple: as soon as he would come back home, scare the shit out of him jumping out from the hideout behind the wall.

The mission was a success but what the musician didn’t foresee, was that the next minute Yijeong would be sitting on the floor holding his ankle and shooting him a watery death glare accompanied by countless curses.

One thing should be acknowledged, as soon as Jaeho noticed something went wrong, he immediately picked the upset boy, ready to take him to a hospital. He didn’t even complain about Yijeong’s endless whining in pain during the ride, although the latter’s head would be smacked after a minute of those any other day.

They arrived to the destination rather quickly, and fortunately they didn’t have to wait long for their turn.

“Jang Yijeong?”

Both men stood up and Jaeho helped the younger one to enter the room. He hesitated a little after Yijeong settled himself comfortably on a settee, not knowing if he should leave or not, as he wasn’t a relative.

“You can stay with your friend. He might need help,” a nurse smiled at them and excused herself, leaving the room. In the doorway she passed a tall young man around their age, maybe a couple years older, in a white coat typical for doctors.

“Hello, my name is Na Dokyun and I’ll take care of you today,” the newcomer introduced himself, but the only thing Yijeong could think about right then was how _handsome_ that guy was.

Light brown hair hardly stylized. Slightly chubby cheeks, just asking to be pinched. A reassuring smile playing on the plump lips. And those dark eyes – so big, inviting and warm, two deep pools he could drown in. The man’s aura (not that he ever believed in such ridiculous things like auras) was strong, yet soothing and calming, and Yijeong felt his face warm up a little. The quickened pace of his heart and a tingling sensation in his stomach reminded him a lot the day he had spotted Kyungil for the first time years ago. This guy was somehow similar, yet completely different from the model, also giving him this buzzing vibe and making him speechless the moment he saw him.

The red shade on Yijeong’s cheeks deepened when he realized he was staring and the doctor asked him a question he unknowingly ignored.

“Um, I-I’m sorry, could you…” he stuttered, trying to mute Jaeho’s amused giggle.

“I asked how can I help you. What’s the problem?” The friendly smile never left the man’s face.

Yijeong briefly summarized last events. After an examination and x-ray, both passing quickly as his mind was too occupied by a certain someone to notice the flight of the time, he finally received the final verdict.

“It looks like you broke your big toe. Also your ankle is sprained. It’s nothing serious, but you should rest it for a while,” Dokyun stated looking at the results. The unfortunate victim  frowned at Jaeho. The musician was fidgeting on his sit, avoiding any eye-contact, guilt evident on his face.

While waiting for his prescription, Yijeong was stealing occasional glares at the handsome doctor. Any other time he would flirt with the man, ask about his number or at least try to find out if his interest lay in men. However something was stopping him, even after he was caught red handed staring, and noticed that not only his cheeks were slightly flushed.

After few more minutes the friends finally left the room, ready to come back home, and decided to visit  an apothecary along the way.

“That doctor was a cutie, wasn’t he?” the musician teased Yijeong, smirking. The boy only groaned in embarrassment, so the older one continued. “Did you see his ass? Not as sexy as yours, but still pretty nice. You should ask him out…”

“Jaeho!” He shouted a bit too loud, earning a disapproving glance from a lady with a little kid in a stroller. “How can you even know he’s into guys?” He added quieter.

“Um, by the way he was ogling you?”

“Jaeho!”

“What?! Fine, if you don’t want him, I’ll be more than happy to hit on him…”

“Please, just shut up you idiot!”

They were heading slowly to the car bickering as usual. And as Yijeong’s whole attention was focused on fighting the urge to kill the dumbass next to him, he failed to notice a pair of eyes that widened in shock observing him intensively.

 

~~

 

Kyungil got out of the car and closed its door. He was on a hospital’s parking, already late for his meeting with the cardiologist in charge of his mother’s treatment. There were still some papers he had to hand over before the operation.

He armed the alarm and was ready to head to the building’s entrance when a very familiar voice, one he didn’t expect to hear ever again, stopped him on his track.

“And you’ll treat me chicken for the whole month!”

If he wasn’t sure to whom that sweet voice belonged, that sentence would give it away immediately. _Yijeong-ah and his undying love for chicken…_ The enormous mix of emotions: shock, happiness, sadness, fear, anger, joy, hope, shame, washed over him almost knocking him out.

He turned his head around to localize the source of the overheard conversation. Finally he noticed him, or rather _them_ , not so far away, two young men devoted into something like a heated argument, walking slowly through the area.

Kyungil took his time to study the scene in front of him. His beloved boy looked exactly the same as he remembered, well, maybe except for his slightly longer hair. And he seemed to be much, much _happier_ , even though he was clearly injured as he was walking on crutches and with a help of an unknown silver-head guy.

Worry and sadness dominated his heart. Something happened to the boy he still loved and he couldn’t be there for him. He wanted to run to Yijeong, to hug him tightly, to kiss him until they both lost their breath, to take care of him and never let him go again. But he couldn’t. He lost all his rights the moment he had let the fears dominate his love for the boy. And he still didn’t get rid of all of them. He still wasn’t ready nor worth to face the younger and he wouldn’t dare to break Yijeong’s heart once again. But he had vowed to change, to win his love back. He only wished it wouldn’t be too late.

Until then he could only eye ex-lover’s face from the distance, ignoring the spikes of jealousy on the sight of silver-head stranger’s hand on _his_ boy. The unknown man seemed to be close to Yijeong, what made him both upset and happy. Happy, because he was glad the younger had someone to rely on, upset, because Kyungil was afraid of being replaced.

He knew that before their next meeting, if they ever meet again, Yijeong would probably move on. But it didn’t mean he couldn’t try, he had nothing to lose anyway.

Seeing the boy entering the car, and disappearing from his life again broke him, but also gave him motivation to fight. Yijeong was worth it, he was worth everything.

 

 

***

 

 

Despite Jaeho’s constant nagging, Yijeong hadn’t asked the hot doctor out, hadn’t even met with him in any other circumstances than his checkups. That was until the evening he was freezing his ass off, standing in front of a building with a large neon sign “Sing with us today!”.

 _What a lame incentive…_ He thought, once again regretting agreeing to take those vocal lessons Jaeho had forced him to. One day, during his recovery when he had been extremely bored and done with watching Korean dramas, he had came back to his past hobbies, the ones he had dropped long time ago without any significant reason: composing and singing. He had been in the middle of partly humming, partly singing happily his new masterpiece when Jaeho had returned home and had caught him. Since then there was no day without musician’s complaining about “how the band would get more potential if he just agreed to join them with this voice of angel”. That, with endless smuggling of information about dozen different vocal  classes in every conversation (“Cause honey, your voice is amazing, yet still quite raw!” “Don’t you ever call me honey, you idiot!”), ended up with him, standing here, not really convinced to enter the building, even though the inside would be definitely much warmer than the outside, this late January afternoon.

“I’m sorry, are you coming in?” A quite familiar voice pulled him out of his thought and he realized he was blocking the entrance. He turned around to see even more familiar face.

“Dokyun-ssi!” He shouted pleasantly surprised. He had given up on his crush after their last meeting, none of them had made any move to get any closer. Yet seeing the said guy right in from of him made his hearth flutter. The man was still extremely handsome and alluring. “Are you gonna take those classes too?” He asked, grinning stupidly, suddenly ready to storm inside and show off his talents in front of the older one.

“Yijeong-ssi! Good to see you again!” Dokyun answered with a visible enthusiasm. “How are you doing, how’s your leg? And yes, my friends convinced me I need some sort of stress reliever, and here I am. I always loved singing, yet medicine is a selfish study, does not allow you to share your time with your interests…” the stream of words stopped while the speaker’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment. “I’m sorry for the rambling, I don’t know what happened, I’ve never been a very talkative person and…” the man once again didn’t finish his sentence, instead sighing deeply and  mumbling “and I’m doing this again” with an apologetic look. The younger giggled, shaking his head lightly.

“There’s no problem, Dokyun-ssi. I like your voice, it must sound even better when you sing,” he blurted out without thinking, causing them both blush slightly. After few more ‘sorry’ from both sides they entered the building in an awkward atmosphere, as the lesson was about to start.

 

~~

 

“Guess who I met today during those stupid classes!” Yijeong shouted eagerly right after barging into the apartment.

“Dunno and I’m not interested, my date will be here in five so unless you’re not into another threesome, let me finish preparing myself. And those classes aren’t stupid. You are.” Jaeho’s lack of interest didn’t diminish Yijeong’s excitement. He dropped himself on the couch in the living room watching in amusement musician’s final attempts to improve his look. He found them pointless, cause the man will be naked a minute after his guest’s appearance.

“Fine, I won’t tell you. But I though you did want to match me with that doctor…” He smiled widely, catching Jaeho’s surprised glare in a mirror.

“Wait, did I hear you right? Are you talking about that hottie we met at the hospital? Na Dogh… Dokya…”

“Dokyun, his name is Dokyun, and yes, it’s him.” Yijeong’s grin was almost blinding and Jaeho smiled himself. The older guy really wanted his flat mate to move on and the doctor seemed like a good option.

A sudden door bell startled both of them.

“You’ll tell me everything after this,” Jaeho said heading to open the door. Yijeong only nodded wishing him fun, and headed to his own room.

 

~~

 

They didn’t talk neither later that day, nor another, as their, let’s say schedules, had them missing each other. Not that Yijeong had a lot to talk about. He had met Dokyun, but they hadn’t spent any time together after the lesson, because the latter had received an urgent call from the hospital.

It was already Wednesday, the day of his second vocal lesson, and he couldn’t wait to see his not-so-given-up-on-now crush again. He wondered why he felt everything so much stronger this time, not wanting to lose this chance as he lost the first one. Maybe it was the circumstances, they were no longer labeled as a doctor and a patient, and their relationship didn’t have to stay on the professional level. Maybe he gained some more courage during past months, it would be soon a year when he had left Kyungil, he should finally move on. Yet, a pang of regret and something he couldn’t describe struck his heart every time he thought about the man he _had_ loved. It was the past now, he was ready to forget and start over with his love life, wasn’t he?

 

~~

 

“He has a girlfriend,” Yijeong announced with a frown on his face, sitting next toJaeho and stealing some snacks from the latter, trying to figure out his feelings in the meantime. He was definitely disappointed, but not crushed. Fortunately for him his hopes about the hot doctor weren’t set up too high yet, so the fall wasn’t that painful. Still, he felt a bit numb. And sad.

“He what?” Jaeho stopped munching only to lock his gaze on the younger, copying his displeased grimace.

“A girlfriend. Since high school. Quite long, huh?” He was staring stubbornly on the TV, successfully avoiding his friend’s piercing eyes.

“But you seemed so happy on Monday…”

“I didn’t know then,” he cut the man. “We didn’t really have time to talk then. Only greetings. Today however we both came earlier and ended up talking about ourselves.” His voice was quite dull.

“Damn…” Much to Yijeong’s surprise Jaeho looked much more devastated by the news than he personally felt. “I did think he was into you.”

“Well, maybe he is attracted, but attraction does not guarantee a romance, you should know that by yourself,” he smiled half-heartedly. The musician hummed in response reaching for a pack of cigarettes, but he stopped the movement catching Yijeong’s disapproving glance. Letting the pained sigh he answered the younger.

“Yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not like I fell for him, it’s just a crush.”

“He’s your type, isn’t he?” Yijeong only nodded. His hand met the empty space, he ate all the popcorn and that realization deepened his frown. “Is he…” Jaeho hesitated, he knew he was on a thin line, yet he felt a strange urge to know, he had to. “Does he remind you…”

“Don’t.” Yijeong’s voice was sharp and clear. He knew where that question was going and he didn’t like it. Because he also knew the answer. It was true, Dokyun reminded him of Kyungil. There was something in him that was somehow painfully familiar, yet he couldn’t describe it. The tender smile, the way he cared for him, even though he was merely a patient, the shy glances stolen between reading the documentation and checking up on him. There were as many differences as similarities, but Yijeong refused to believe he had a crush on Dokyun just because he reminded him about a certain man.

The silence filled the room. Some k-pop idols were entertaining the faceless audience losing their pride and self-respect in national TV by playing stupid games and making fun of themselves.

“He asked about you,” Yijeong decided to break the impasse, as he was quite responsible for it.

“Wow, really?” Today was a day full of surprises for Jaeho, well, not only for him. “I guess I must be a real charmer if he remembered me, seeing me only two times.” Jaeho had become too lazy and his guilt had dropped after their second visit in the hospital, and after that, Yijeong had been left all by himself. _“For the sake of your romance,”_ the older explained.

Yijeong rolled his eyes and scoffed. “It’s just not so hard to forget a silver-head weirdo, besides he thought you are my boyfriend. That’s insane, like I could _date_ you, gross.” Jaeho was torn between faking hurt and laughing his ass off about that assumption. “And I still think silver suits you better than blonde.” The musician recently dyed his hair blond, ‘for upcoming New Lunar Year,’ he claimed, and Yijeong was still teasing him about it.

“I look perfect in every color. And you, sweetie, would look gorgeous in pink. You need to change that boring hairstyle before you join my band.” Jaeho reached for a strand of Yijeong’s hair and entangled it between his fingers.

“Fuck off, there’s no way I would ever dye my hair pink, you idiot!” He quickly pulled away, now afraid of being dyed against his will during sleep. “Not only it’s just stupid idea, but Sihyoung-hyung would kill me for that and then fire me. And I do need that job, you know,” he tried to reason. The older boy backed away reluctantly.

“Don’t you think Sihyoung is a bit grumpy and irked nowadays? I bet he didn’t get laid for ages and it takes a toll on him.”

“You pervert,” he gave his flat mate a disgusted look. “Is everything connected with sex in your head?”

Jaeho simply ignored his comment. “Maybe we should find him a date, or at least one night stand, watch’ya think?”

“I’ll pass…” Those ideas never ended the way they’d planned them and he really didn’t want to get involved in it.

“C’mon! Don’t you wanna help your friend?”

“Not this way. Do you even know what his type is?”

“…”

“Exactly.” With his point proven ,Yijeong was ready to take a shower and go to sleep. However his flat mate didn’t finish yet.

“Heck no, as you asked, I’ve never seen him with anyone. No girl, no guy, like, anyone!” Jaeho sounded so shocked that it was almost funny.

“You definitely work out his quota,” Yijeong giggled. “Maybe he likes someone who’s already taken…” he suggested hesitantly.

“How long would you mope around after seeing your crush being taken away from you?” Jaeho didn’t expect any answer for his question, but he still received a sarcastic one.

“If you wait long enough, I can tell you.”

“Uh sorry…” The man reflected himself.

“Non taken.”

“What if his asexual, or something?” The musician was digging even deeper in his assumptions.

“You’re dumb.”

“It would explain a lot of things though! He’s an ace, I’m sure!”

“Yeah, whatever…” He was done with that idiot.

 

 

***

 

 

Two months passed since he started his vocal lessons and learnt that giving up on your crush, when you saw him every two times a week is _fucking hard_. It’s not that he couldn’t live with that, no, he already had enough practice in dealing with his unwanted feelings. It was just terribly _annoying_.

Dokyun wasn’t helping either being all nice and funny, flattering Yijeong’s heart with every smile. He tried not to act obvious, hiding his sometimes too affectionate actions behind newly created friendship and he was satisfied with the results, at least until he totally fucked up his cover.

 

~~

 

Nothing forecast the personal disaster that came that day. He was working peacefully, serving already tipsy people even more alcohol. Some of the customers were rude, some wanted to flirt for a while, and the others were just ordering and disappearing in the crowd the moment they got their drinks.

Two intoxicated girls took seats next to the bar, catching their breath before going back on the dance floor. He didn’t spare them more attention than the other people, because he wasn’t interested in any of them, nor in the gossips about idols. Even when he caught a very well known name, he ignored it, or rather tried to, as his mind involuntary focused on the conversation, it was always stronger than him. Fortunately it was a busy day, so the torture was easier to endure, or so he thought.

“I can’t believe he’s already taken!” One of the girls almost cried in disappointment.

Yijeong stopped. Everything around him disappeared, he could only hear those two high-pitched voices.

“Me too! That stupid bitch took him away from us! She’s not even worth him!”

“I’ll kill her if I ever meet her,” the girl growled, no hint of joke in her tone.

It took him a while to process the information and the conclusion wasn’t satisfying. Kyungil found someone. Kyungil _moved on_.

That shouldn’t be a surprise though, they “broke up” more than a year ago. Kyungil was a free man, he could date and fuck (as if it had ever been a problem for him) anyone he wanted to. And Yijeong shouldn’t complain or care about it. And he didn’t, did he?

Well, judging by his reaction - he did, and quite a lot, considering he only wanted to run to the toilet and puke his stomach out. He wondered what shocked him more – the news or his reaction. He barely managed to serve a next client and ask for a break. However, those 15 minutes didn’t help him to collect himself at all.

He didn’t remember the rest of his shift, working on an automatic, basic set of movements barely enough to keep him going and letting him come back home, where he crawled to the bed and cried himself to sleep.

Waking up wasn’t pleasant either. He felt like a pathetic shit. He was still upset and influenced by the news and being a hypocrite only worsened his mood. How could he “judge” his ex, when he himself found a new fuckbuddy in a span of a month or so, and had a crush that he considered serious? How could he be angry at the model, that he found someone?

Yijeong considered checking this gossip himself, but he didn’t find enough courage to do so. He also though about skipping his vocal lesson, he wasn’t in mood to do anything today, though he decided against it. Albeit he soon regretted his decision, because he forgot about Dokyun. Seeing his already taken crush throw him on the bottom of a self-pity abyss resulting in spending the whole class staring up at his shoes, joining the course only when necessary.

The doctor noticed his strange behavior and being as nice as he was, he approached him after the classes.

“Hey, are you alright?” _No I’m not…_

“Yeah, I’m fine…”

“You don’t look like it. Did something happen?”

“It’s… personal stuff. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Maybe you’d like to go out for a drink with me tonight? I wanted to chill out a little, and you seem like you need a drink, so we can hang out together, if you want to? So, wanna join?”

He knew it was a bad idea. Considering his awful mood and his crush, adding alcohol to the mix was like asking for a disaster. Nevertheless, he agreed.

 

~~

 

“You’ve had enough already.”

“No, I need more.” He was sure Dokyun drank at least as much as he did, but the man seemed still sober when he was dizzy and had problems with focusing his gaze. But that was alright, he wanted to get wasted. He needed it, the easiness to forget alcohol brought, the non-existing necessity of thinking too much.

Most of the times he was a happy-drinker, he would chit-chat, laugh a lot and dance till dawn. Today, however, he became more and more bitter with every shot, the laugh was replaced by frown and dance by sunken shoulders. He looked miserable and he knew it. Not like he cared. But someone apparently did.

“C’mon Yijeong, take a break,” the doctor insisted, shuffling the half-empty bottle of soju away.

“I already took a break and he found someone else…” he slurred absent-mindedly. The sentence didn’t make sense, nothing did, but still, he didn’t care.

“He?” Dokyun was testing the ground, checking if Yijeong was ready and willing to talk.

“Yes, _he_. He and his fucking, perfect love life,” now he was definitely blabbering nonsense. “Why cannot I have one? Why am I falling for idiots or getting crush on taken guys?” He whined, missing a sudden change in the atmosphere after his words. Only a soft call of his name made him realize what exactly he did say.

“Yijeong,” Dokyun repeated. Said boy froze like a rabbit caught in car lights. “Yijeong, do you…” the man hesitated and the younger looked at him frightened. There was something unreadable in doctor’s eyes and he found himself drowning in them. The alcohol and emotional exhaustion won over common sense and seconds later he was kissing the older. It was a simple kiss, almost innocent, yet forbidden.

When the reality finally caught up, he almost sobered up and pulled away immediately. They stared at each other without a word for a few short moments that for him felt like a prolonged infinity. Shame and excitement were fighting for dominance in his head and the first one won with enormous advantage, leaving him broken and crushed.

In thick silence he stood up, whispering “I’m sorry,” and left the pub not looking back. Dokyun didn’t stop him.

 

~~

 

Jaeho found him in the morning sleeping on the couch, cuddling a cushion. He had ended there, because he had had no energy left to reach his own bedroom. After a session of nagging and pampering him with anti-hangover medicines the musician finally managed to hear the whole story from ‘that bastard found someone else, and why the fuck I’m sad because of that?’ to ‘I kissed him, what the fuck did I think?!’ and they were now sitting in silence, both deep into their own thoughts.

“How can I face him tomorrow?” Yijeong said, pleading Jaeho for some advice. The blond looked at him with serious face.

“Normally. You will apologize to him and ask him to forgive you. You’re neither the first nor the last one with an unrequited feeling. It will be awkward at the beginning, but I’m sure, you both will get over it sooner or later. He doesn’t look like someone who would hold a grudge,” Jaeho replied in a firm tone.

“But Jaeho…” He couldn’t finish as he was quickly cut by the older.

“No buts. I know it’s embarrassing, and you most probably want to disappear from the world, but don’t be childish.”

“It’s not that…”

“Then what?”

“About that unrequited love…” Yijeong stirred trying to hide pink cheeks and ashamed look on his face. That instantly picked Jaeho’s interest.

“Yeah, what’s with that?”

“He kissed me back…” the boy finally stuttered, avoiding eye-contact, yet his voice betrayed his inner conflict. He really didn’t know if he should be happy that his feeling wasn’t that unrequited as he thought, or rather concerned about it, as it was definitely a big problem for Dokyun’s relationship with his girlfriend. Yijeong didn’t want to be the one that broke the pair apart, he knew exactly how heartbreaking it was, being cheated on. And the emotional betrayal could be at least as painful as a physical one. But maybe he was over thinking. Dokyun was also drunk yesterday, maybe no feelings were really involved, just alcohol. He voiced these thoughts out.

“Damn you both…” he heard, followed by “I stand by my advice, you definitely need to talk, and you need to apologize, there’s nothing more you can do now, before you get the whole picture.”

After that Jaeho pulled him into comforting hug. They stayed like that for a while, before he finally managed to calm down.

 

~~

 

His whole mental preparation went to hell, when Dokyun didn’t show up for the next vocal lesson. There could be a million explanations why the man wasn’t there, from his job to a simple forgetfulness. Yet Yijeong held to the worst possible one, blaming himself for the doctor’s absence.

He convinced himself that the doctor probably didn’t want to see him ever again and the boy felt terrible thinking how he destroyed one of Dokyun’s sources of relax and happiness.

He wished that horrible night never happened, or at least that he could talk it out already and let the stress and nervousness fade away. As much as he wanted to contact the older one right now, he had to wait till next Monday, assuming the doctor would even appear. He never bothered asking for elder’s number, afraid to get too close to him.

The week seemed to last a whole year and his mood swings were worse than a girl’s with PMS, as Jaeho described it. He went through all the phases, from “why should I care, every result will be a good one” to “I don’t wanna lose him, Jaeho!” to “I don’t wanna see him ever again, I’m not gonna go there, there’s no way!”. The musician was ready to chop his head off, threatening him that if he didn’t go and talk to Dokyun he would kick him out of the flat, ‘cause he had enough of his endless crying, whining and ‘what ifs’.

The blond was beyond annoyed, he even drove him to the next lesson and made sure he entered the building.

The moment he stepped into the practice room, he noticed his crush sitting on his usual place, spacing out. There were still few minutes till the class, so Yijeong approached the older before his courage could vanish, and asked him for a short talk in private. The man silently agreed.

Once they found a peaceful, empty classroom, he got straight to the point.

 “I’m so sorry for what I did. I was drunk and lost in a moment and I acted before thinking. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again, I promise. I know you have a girlfriend and I had no right to kiss you. I didn’t want to come between you two, and…”

“We broke up recently,” he was cut abruptly and it took him a second to understand that simple sentence.

“…What!?

“We broke up, Yijeong,” Dokyun repeated calmly. The man stood there, poker-faced. His words were flat, like they were talking about the weather, not about the end of a pretty long-term relationship. That indifference made Yijeong feel even guiltier, it was clear for him it was only a façade, the doctor was blaming him, but being polite, he didn’t want to lash out.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry! I totally fucked up, but breaking up over a kiss is a bit extreme, but still, I di…” he started panicking, his eyes watered as blame and shame ware eating him alive.

“Hey, stop, look at me,” Dokyun’s calm voice once again broke through his rambling. “It’s not your fault,” the man said, putting his hands on boy’s shoulders, trying to calm him down. But Yijeong wasn’t going to be tricked that easily.

“But I kissed you. I was the one that initiated that, I made you cheat on your girlfriend!”

“You didn’t force me to kiss you back, Yijeong,” the older reasoned. “And the kiss wasn’t the reason we broke up.” A deep sighed left man’s lips when he also let his shoulders go. Dokyun backed away to sit on one of the desks. He messaged the bridge of his nose and continued. “Sure, it played a part, but not in the way you think. It helped me realize that my girlfriend and I don’t love each other anymore. That my feelings for her have changed long time ago, but I was refusing to acknowledge that.” A small, sad smile appeared on the doctor’s handsome face.

“Recently we argued a lot, especially since I got a chance to go to Japan for my extra practice. She wants me to stay, but I don’t want to. We couldn’t find an agreement and she was threatening that she would leave me if I chose Japan. But it’s a golden opportunity, I cannot miss that chance and the experience!” The frustration in Dokyun’s voice was so strong that Yijeong barely resisted the urge to hug the older to lighten up his mood. It probably wouldn’t work as intended anyway. “The kiss we shared was a push I needed to make my mind.”

After that silence filled the room, vocal lesson long forgotten. Yijeong spoke first, he had to confirm unstated information.

“So you’re leaving…” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes.”

“When? And for how long?” He asked in small voice, holding back tears that had no rights to  be there in the first place. They were friends, nothing more. Nothing _less_.

“Next week. For 6 months, maybe more. I won’t lie Yijeong, I like you. I’m surprised I didn’t notice that earlier. But even though I did develop feelings for you, I…”

“It’s ok, I understand. Japan is a great chance, and you just broke up with your girlfriend. Dating someone else right after would be awkward.” Yijeong smiled half-heartedly, supporting his _friend_. He should be grateful though, maybe his crush was leaving, but it wasn’t like he wouldn’t come back one day. And Dokyun didn’t hate him after that drunk kiss, even more, he liked him. It was more he could wish for.

“Thank you. And I’d love to stay in touch with you...” The doctor seemed relieved, a genuine smile on his lips, hope in his voice.

“Gladly,” he answered sincerely, reaching to his pocket for his phone. He was finally getting Dokyun’s number.

 

 

***

 

 

_April, 2015_

Yijeong was lazily gathering his things, getting ready for a meeting with Sihyoung. His boss had asked them to give a concert next week, and they needed to discuss some details. In the middle of searching for his phone he spotted a white folder on the table, the one exact folder his boyfriend had prepared carefully last night and would need today. However, said boyfriend was nowhere to be found, what meant, he’d forgotten about the documents and had left without them. _Aish, that guy, why is he always so forgetful?_

The boy smiled to himself and grabbed his phone that was lying next to the binder and called a familiar number. The man picked up after few seconds.

 _“Hey sweetie, how are you? You ok? I’m sorry for not waking you up before I left, but I thought you might need a rest…”_ the sweet voice of his boyfriend filled Yijeong’s ears, and a worry and concern in it warmed his hearth. He did need rest, they barely slept last night.

“Yeah, I’m fine, you should take care of yourself too, hyung,” he replied softly, “and also rest a bit more, your work won’t start till 4PM, and you still left early.”

_“I’m meeting with an old friend of mine, wanna join?”_

“Thank you, but I can’t. I would be a third wheel anyway. But I wanted to ask you, didn’t you forget these documents you talked about yesterday? The ones in the white folder?”

Some shuffling could be heard from the speakers.

_“Damn, you’re right. Thank you, babe, without you I wouldn’t be able to come back home and pick them up, thank you.”_

“No problem. Where are you? If you are nearby, or at least on the way to the club I can drop them off for you. You wouldn’t miss the time with your friend.” To be honest Yijeong just wanted to see his boyfriend before going to work, helping him was a nice bonus though.

_“Could you, really? I’m in that neat café near your favourite gaming centre. ‘Caffeine addicts’.”_

“Oh, I know where, perfect, I’ll be there in 20, love you, hyung,” he promised, preparing to leave the flat.

_“Love you too, sweetie.”_

It took him a bit more than 20 minutes to get there, but he didn’t complain, as long as he could see his boyfriend. They got together recently and he was still on the cloud nine every time he thought about him.

The place was crowded, and it was a bit difficult to find a certain person. After a short while he finally spotted a familiar figure occupying a table in the corner next the window.

“Dokyun-hyung!” He shouted loudly enough to catch the man’s attention and waved when the older noticed him.

“Yijeong-ah! Come here!”

He squeezed through the crowd. Only when he got closer he saw another man, sitting opposite his boyfriend. Stranger’s face was hidden behind a menu, but Yijeong didn’t bother about it, as he was focused on the doctor. They were in public, so they greeted only with a tight hug.

“Here you go!” He gave Dokyun his folder.

“Thank you sweetheart, what would I do without you,” the man replied with a wide smile.

“Maybe you would sleep long enough to not forget your belongings?” he joked winking, and he received a chuckle from both men. That reminded the doctor, that he should introduce them.

“Oh, I’m sorry, as you probably already guessed, this is my boyfriend, Yijeong,” Dokyun said to his friend, giving Yijeong a proud look, happiness clearly visible in his eyes, “and this is my childhood friend…” In that moment Yijeong looked at the man sitting opposite to the doctor and gasped. He met a pair of familiar eyes and a warm, heartbreaking smile.“… _Kyungil-hyung._ ”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the ending was hella predictable, but please, spare me. It suits the story-line, really!


	4. Found - prelude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is not dead!
> 
> But for more information please read the end notes. Now, please enjoy the chapter!

 

‘Yes’ was an immediate answer which Kyungil gave Dokyun, when the latter called to invite him for an already overdue catching-up coffee. The model really didn’t have to think twice before agreeing. Judging by the doctor’s excited voice and impatience towards their meeting, the man had some good news to deliver and that made Kyungil curious. At least one of them had a reason to be happy.

Despite some difficulties with finding a date suiting both of them, they managed to choose not a very distant term. Next Monday Dokyun had an afternoon shift and Kyungil’s own hectic schedule would let him catch a breath between photo shoots.

The model was glad they finally reunited after many, many years of unwanted separation. Unfortunately, their childhood friendship didn’t survive the trial of time and distance. Since Dokyun had moved out to Seoul during middle school, their contact had slowly faded, disappearing completely when the younger had started his medical studies.

They had met again in the hospital where Kyungil’s mother had been operated in, on the same day the model had seen Yijeong with an anonymous stranger on the parking lot. After that unexpected incident Kyungil had rushed - already late - into the building, only to run into his long-time-no-see close friend. However, the lack of time had only allowed them to exchange their recent phone numbers and a promise to contact soon.

Said promise had been fulfilled and since then they talked quite regularly, growing closer again. They met from time to time, and it was like they had never been apart for long, still getting along easily, quickly rebuilding their neglected friendship. In the past few years none of them had time for any really close friend, even though both of them were in a need of one, so it was a perfect time for a reunion.

The contact became irregular again after Dokyun flew to Japan. But so did Kyungil two months later. His manager got him a contract with a Japanese cloth brand and it wasn’t a chance the model was willing to refuse. Now, when they were both finally back in Korea, they had many things to catch up on.

Sometimes Kyungil wondered if he should confide in Dokyun about Yijeong. Never had he ever spoken to anyone about the boy and he needed advice. The young man’s presence was still lingering in his mind and heart, no matter how many times Kyungil tried to forget. But maybe, just _maybe_ , if he were to be honest with himself, he would have admitted he didn’t try wholeheartedly.

 

~~

 

Monday finally came and Kyungil found himself sitting in a crowded café. He chose the seat in the corner, next to the huge window. His face wasn’t visible from the outside thanks to the advertisement plastered on the glass and his back was facing the rest of the customers. There was no need for any unnecessary attention. Dokyun arrived few minutes later, apologizing for a delay. The drinks were ordered and they submerged themselves in the conversation.

They talked about everything and anything particular, exchanging funny stories about their experiences abroad, because the culture shock resulted in some memorable events. It didn’t take long, though, for the topic to drift away to their love lives. And because Kyungil wasn’t eager to share anything at the moment, he stroke first.

“So how are you? Finally better?” he asked carefully. The whole breaking-up incident had happened months ago and Dokyun no longer seemed sad nor affected by it, though the first few weeks had been close to a nightmare. The model didn’t want to bring back any negative feelings.

“I’m, surprisingly, completely fine. Even more than fine,” Dokyun answered with a small, dreamy smile. “I’ve actually found someone.”

 _Here we go_. Kyungil thought smiling himself. He was right, those _were_ some happy news. But before he could seek for some more information, doctor’s phone ringed.

“Speaking of the devil,” the man chuckled fishing out the buzzing device from his bag. He wanted to excuse himself from the table, but the model only waved his hand telling him that it was okay to stay.

“Hey, sweetie, how are you? You okay? I’m sorry for not waking you up before I left, but I thought you might need a rest…” Doctor’s voice suddenly became much warmer as he spoke to the person on the other side of the line. The memory of Yijeong speaking to him this way – so affectionately and with care – hit Kyungil out of nowhere. It had been really soothing after long days of exhausting photo shoots.

“I’m meeting with an old friend of mine, wanna join?” Dokyun raised his eyebrows in a silent question, and Kyungil nodded. He was eager to meet his friend’s new interest. That lady had to be someone wonderful, if she managed to heal doctor’s heart so fast. It usually took centuries to patch Dokyun even after simple crushes, not to mention a 9-year-long relationship.

A frown appeared on the younger’s face as he looked into his bag again. “Damn, you’re right. Thank you, babe, without you I wouldn’t be able to come back home and pick them up, thank you.”

That evoked another image of Yijeong in Kyungil’s head. The boy had always reminded him about his keys or documents, acting as the more responsible one in that case. However, it often had been his fault that the model had kept forgetting them – their goodbye kisses had been way too distracting. At least until Kyungil had started refusing them.

“Love you too, sweetie.” It was a cue for him to leave those bittersweet memories and come back to the present. Meanwhile Dokyun put his phone away and took another sip of his coffee. “We’ll have a visitor in few minutes, if that’s not a problem,” he informed. The smile on his face turned to an apologetic one, but the older could tell that his friend didn’t regret the phone call’s outcome, not even a bit.

“No, not at all,” Kyungil quickly reassured him. “I’d love to meet the lady that makes you so happy! What’s her name?” he asked eagerly. The response for his words was immediate, however way different than he anticipated. Dokyun visibly stiffened, shooting him an unreadable gaze. The younger man carefully put the cup back on a plate and leant closer, resting his elbows on the table.

“Um… Kyungil-hyung, I didn’t have time to tell you yet, but…” the doctor stopped to take a deep breath and looked right into the elder’s eyes like he was challenging him. “The one I love is not a girl. He’s a man.”

Kyungil froze. There were no strong enough words in his dictionary to describe how shocked he was. Not only he had never suspected Dokyun to take an interest in the same sex, but he was also impressed by the bluntness and lack of sugar-coating in younger’s statement. It was a skill and a confidence he hoped he would get one day. To be so effortlessly open about his preferences. But he was working on it.

In the meantime, while Kyungil was trying to come to terms with the revelations, Dokyun became a bit nervous. He wasn’t ashamed of his sexuality but he _was_ afraid that his close friend wouldn’t accept him. He hoped for a neutral response, at least, but the latter was sitting in front of him silently, too deep in shock to even answer him.

“Hyung?” After another few minutes of the thick silence, the doctor decided to break it. It was a little too nerve wracking for his liking.

“I…” Kyungil, still speechless, choked on his own words, so Dokyun continued.

“I know you may be surprised, but, please, I hope it won’t affect our friendship…” it was half a plea, half a question. The doctor didn’t stop eyeing the elder man waiting for any signal, be it positive or negative. Kyungil had to finally get a grip of himself.

“No, it’s not…” he started still a bit shaken. “It’s not a problem, Dokyun, really. I’m not a homophobe.”

It was like you took the air out of balloon. Dokyun sighed in relief, his posture relaxed and the bright smile came back on his face. “I’m glad to hear that, really.”

Kyungil nodded in agreement, and carefully articled his next words. “Yah, you know, if I were, I would be also a hypocrite, so…” That was it – a test. For the first time ever he freely admitted to someone else that he wasn’t straight. And it wasn’t as difficult as he thought it would be. He was one step closer to Yijeong.

Hearing that news, Dokyun’s mouth opened wide. “You’re gay?!” the younger almost shouted. Luckily he opted to whisper instead, remembering they were in public. It was his time to be dazed. Kyungil he knew was quite a Casanova among the girls, though he treated every one of them with a respect and limited affection.

“Bisexual, apparently.”

“How…?” Dokyun didn’t finish the question, but the model understood what he meant.

“I met a boy, I fell for him.” Even if there was more to elaborate, he wasn’t going to.

“You’ve never told me…” Once again it was a question without a proper formulation.

“I was going to. I will, one day, I promise.” The hurt and regret in the elder’s voice alerted Dokyun, so he didn’t inquire deeper further.

“But what about you?” Kyungil changed the topic. He too was curious how the other man discovered his orientation. Till now the younger dated girls only, at least according to the model’s knowledge. Was his current partner first for him as Yijeong was for Kyungil? Or was Dokyun always self-aware? “How did you find you that you… You know…” He was too embarrassed to finish the question what earned a little laugh from his companion.

“Well, I also met a boy and I took an interest in him. Though we’ve never dated or anything,” the doctor answered lightly.

“Since when did you know?” Kyungil wanted more details. It was comforting to talk about all those things without a fear of making fool of himself or being rejected.

“Since the high school, I guess?” The model couldn’t understand why Dokyun seemed ashamed in that moment, diverting his gaze to window. But then it hit him.

“But… Weren’t you then with Seoyun already?”

Dokyun and his recent ex-girlfriend had dated since the very first days of high school, so there was no way for his friend to have been single during the said male-crush episode. And how was it even possible, considering how head over heels Dokyun had been for Seoyun that time?

Doctor’s eyes still didn’t meet Kyungil’s when he answered with a quiet “Yeah…”

They sat in silence for a moment, when the model decided to lift the mood a little.

“So… Tell me about that guy you’re with now. Do you live together?” It wasn’t a groundless assumption considering the recent phone call. His attempt to cheer the younger didn’t seem to work though, but the man finally looked back at him.

“No, not yet. He was only sleeping over,” there was a tiny hint of disappointment in this answer.

“Do you want to move in together?” Kyungil raised his eyebrows surprised. It took years to convince Dokyun to move in with his girlfriend, and now he was already eager to take that step with his current partner?

“I would love to,” Dokyun sighed. “We are not that long together, so I understand that it’s too early for him. But after breaking up with Seoyun… I feel so lonely. My apartment is definitely too big for one person.”

Kyungil felt bad for his friend. But he also understood the other side. He remembered when he’d asked Yijeong to move with him to Seoul. The boy had been delighted and frightened at the same time. They had been dating for 7 months then, almost too short to even consider such a thing like living together in a different town. But given the circumstances, they had had no choice. Or that’s what Kyungil had told himself. If they had stayed in his hometown, would have everything been different?

 “Maybe that’s for better,” he finally answered.

“Yeah, I don’t want to become like his ex,” Dokyun added inadvertently, deep in his thoughts.

“You mean?”

The doctor got startled by the fact he said those words aloud. He hesitated for a moment, not sure if he had right to talk about it. “I really shouldn’t…”

“What did his ex do to him?” Kyungil wasn’t going to let this one slip, the curiosity got the better of him.

“Well, he changed when they moved together.”

“Not for a good I guess?”

“No.”

“Uh, it sucks.” It did. He had also changed when they had moved out into his apartment in Seoul.

“Yeah… He became quite an asshole from what I’ve heard.”

The conversation died for a moment. Dokyun was absentmindedly playing with his cup, and Kyungil was staring through the window. Then suddenly something, or rather someone, caught his attention. Maneuvering through the crowd in hurry, was no one else than Yijeong. Kyungil almost chocked on air. But not just because he saw his ex-lover out of nowhere. _For the God’s sake, is his hair PINK?!_ Was the very first though in his mind.

Indeed, Yijeong had pink hair now. The bright, April sun lightening it up resembled a halo, which was funny, because most of the times the boy was a little, bratty devil rather than innocent and pure angel.

Seconds later panic overwhelmed Kyungil. Yijeong was getting closer and closer, definitely aiming for the café, at the same stroke increasing the probability of their meeting. _What should I do?_ The model was indecisive, he could either stay hidden in the corner or try to confront the boy, even though it wasn’t the best time and place. But would he get another chance to do that anytime soon?

Fortunately or not, this decision wasn’t his to make. Few moments later a very familiar voice shouted “Dokyun-hyung!” and said man livened up in a second. Kyungil was staring with wide-opened eyes at his friend, as he waved to someone and answered “Yijeong-ah! Come here!”

The model immediately grabbed a menu from the table and hid his face behind it. _Yah, it can’t be…_ He gulped nervously trying to understand the universe’s wicked sense of humor. How could it be, that the man Dokyun talked about, the man the doctor was so in love with, was the boy Kyungil still dreamt to get back? What were the chances? Apparently, high enough.

Yijeong finally reached their table and the eldest glued his eyes to him to get as many details as he could during this short time of anonymity. The boy didn’t pay him any attention for now, greeting his current partner. The happiness and affection visible on the hugging men’s faces sent a jab of jealousy towards Kyungil’s heart. Long time ago it was him who had been lucky enough to be so close to the boy. OK, Yijeong was now in his twenties, but for the model he would always remain that young boy – not even of age – he’d met in a store.

The couple finally broke the hug and Yijeong handed a white folder to the doctor. The later thanked him with a warm smile. “What would I do without you?”

“Maybe you would sleep long enough to not forget your belongings,” came playful answer and Kyungil couldn’t stop himself from chuckling. That was before he realized the implication of the statement. His mood suddenly dropped. It wasn’t as if Yijeong would refrain from sex just because they had broken up, but still, it felt so _wrong_ for the model to even think about _his_ boy sleeping with another man. Especially with his best friend.

The little commotion he made reminded Dokyun to introduce them to each other properly.  Clearly, the doctor wasn’t aware that it was completely unnecessary.

“Oh, I’m sorry, as you probably already guessed, this is my boyfriend, Yijeong,” Dokyun gave the boy a proud look, full of happiness, “and this is my childhood friend…” In that moment the pink-head finally looked at the model. Their eyes met and the eldest didn’t miss how Yijeong stiffened the moment he noticed who sat behind the menu. “… Kyungil-hyung.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, don’t kill me! ^^'
> 
> I know, I did nothing to solve the cliffhanger, but!
> 
> First, I’m deeply sorry for the long wait. It’s my last semester of the studies + I had a quite annoying writing block + it requires writing from Kyungil’s perspective, and I’m not as confident with it as with Yijeong’s.
> 
> Second, I‘m sorry this chapter is so short. (Yeah, short, when I started writing “Wishes”, I wanted every chapter to be like 3k words. Now I’m complaining that 2.7k isn’t enough…). The reason behind it is that the actual chapter 4 was getting bigger and bigger, and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get through it numerous times to polish it. (Not to mention my lovely beta reader, she’s even busier than me, and she still finds time to help me with this <3) So I decided to publish this part, it can serve as some kind of introduction to Kyungil's part of story and it shows how the dynamic between him and Dokyun works (at least a little bit). It’s a set up for a set up :D
> 
> Okay, I think that’s everything I wanted to say right now. Oh, and good news, the next chapter is already partly written, so maybe you won’t be forced to wait so long for it ^^’ (once again I’m so freaking, deeply sorry…)
> 
> I hope you liked the story so far and big thanks to all my readers for sparing some time to get through it! ^^


	5. Found

An awkwardness that filled the air in a split second made Kyungil want to at least try to ease  the tension he was partly responsible for. However, a reassuring smile he sent towards the youngest didn’t help at all.

The pink-head stood still, rooted to the ground, with eyes wide open, almost as if he saw a ghost, and well, it wasn’t that far from the truth for him. Only when Dokyun – alarmed by Yijeong’s reaction – put his hand on the boy’s lower back and called his name softly, the youngest let himself relax a little. The interaction didn’t go unnoticed by the model.

The doctor sat back in his place and Yijeong plopped with a grumpy ‘huff’ right next to him, snuggling closer – too close for Kyungil’s liking – until he was completely glued to the older man. “Hyung, why haven’t you warned me I’ll meet a celebrity today?! Too bad I’m in hurry. And I could’ve dressed-up a bit!” The boy whined giving puppy eyes to his current partner, but right after that he shifted his attention to his ex.

“I’m so sorry for my reaction!” he continued with a suspiciously sweet voice. “I was surprised, but everyone would be in my situation, I guess?” The left corner of Yijeong’s lips rose, turning an innocent smile into a cheeky one. “I’m Dokyun-hyung’s Jang Yijeong, nice to meet you!”

That introduction left a bitter taste in Kyungil’s mouth, but it was quickly replaced by amusement as instead of formal greeting the younger just ‘bowed’ as much as the table let him, not even caring to lift his body from the seat.

 _I see, so your sassiness and confidence didn’t change a bit, you brat._ For everyone that knew Yijeong for longer than five minutes it wasn’t a secret that the boy had some serious issues with treating people with proper respect. It often earned him some scolding from offended people, though it never really had any effect on the kid. Every other man on Kyungil’s place would have been at least taken aback, but he had gotten used to this, also learnt a bit from the boy. And to be _very_ honest, he missed that a lot.

The model noticed how Dokyun opened his mouth, possibly to apologize for Yijeong’s behavior judging by doctor’s uneasy facial expression, but he was faster. “Song Kyungil, nice to meet you too.” He only nodded his head, playing along. The smirk on the boy’s face grew wider. Years ago Kyungil would have smacked the younger’s ass in return and brought him to the bedroom to show him his place. As he thought about it now, it could be one of the reasons why Yijeong had liked to cross the line so often.

Once again a bit awkward silence hanged around them. Yijeong rested his head on Dokyun’s shoulder, cuddling to the doctor, but keeping his gaze locked on his ex-lover. The stare held a challenge, but to what, the model didn’t know. So instead he returned the favor, and they studied each other silently for few more moments.

No matter how calm the boy looked, it was obvious for Kyungil that he was quite uncomfortable. He kept fidgeting and shaking his head slightly like he wanted to get rid of the fringe from his eyes – a nervous habit the model knew too well. But overall his act was good enough to convince everyone that he was just overwhelmed by meeting a celebrity, not the guy that had completely shattered his heart.

“Do you know you two share the same passion for music?” Dokyun’s words caught Kyungil’s attention, breaking the invisible tension between the two men.

“Do we? Really?” That was something new for the model. Never, not even once, had Yijeong mentioned to him that he was interested in music – except for playing it loud enough to get on neighbors’ nerves.

Those sentences apparently worked like key words, because said boy straightened himself sharply, finally creating (still not big enough to satisfy Kyungil) space between him and his boyfriend, and shot a panicked look at the clock on the wall.

“Damn, I have to go!” Yijeong hissed, cursing himself in his thoughts. The moment he saw Kyungil he completely forgot about his meeting with Sihyoung and now he was going be late. The pink-head stood up ready to leave, but not before he bowed – this time politely – to the two other men.

“Oh, is it about the concert?” Despite noticing Yijeong’s hurry, Dokyun stopped the younger.

“Yeah, we have some details to discuss.”

“A concert?” Kyungil felt overwhelmed. That’s quite a different story of being passionate about music, wasn’t it? Was Yijeong famous? Concerts, even cameral ones, meant you have some sort of popularity. If so, why didn’t he hear anything about the boy before?

 “Yes, Yijeong’s band is quite popular!” Dokyun exclaimed proudly, ignoring his partner’s correction “It’s not _my_ band, it’s…”

“Oh, I’d like to listen to you guys!” That was it, a so much awaited chance to meet the boy once again, and Kyungil was ready to take it any time. He would think about the little problem called ‘another relationship’ later, for now he had to make sure he would be able to recreate at least superficial bond with Yijeong.

“They are amazing, really!” The doctor’s excitement was clearly visible, though the younger gave him a skeptic look.

“Don’t talk like you’ve ever seen any of our concerts, hyung…” Yijeong snorted angrily and regret appeared on Dokyun’s face. Feeling guilty for upsetting his partner the boy quickly murmured “Sorry”.

“But you know honey, maybe Kyungil-hyung and I could go to your next concert, would you like it?”

“Wh… What?” The proposition left Yijeong speechless. He really didn’t want to meet Kyungil again anytime soon – if ever. For now he muted every possible feeling connected to his ex trying to play the unexpected encounter cool, but it was a given that the moment he let his guard down, it would suffocate him. Bless Jaeho for buying that ridiculous amount of ice-cream on the sale last week. Yijeong was afraid he would be in need of some sooner than later.

“Yeah, as I said, I’d like to!” Kyungil affirmed quickly before the youngest could protest and it was a nail in the coffin for Yijeong. The boy muttered something about giving them details later and sprinted out of the café. The model felt almost sorry for him, yet he was also somehow glad his ex-lover left already. The eldest man needed time to make sense of his mixed feelings, same went for Yijeong. The boy could act like he wasn’t touched by this brief meeting, but he didn’t fool the model.

Dokyun’s eyes accompanied Yijeong to the exit and through the window, and even after the boy disappeared in the crowd, a pleased smile didn’t vanish from doctor’s lips. The man was indeed head over heels for his current partner.

On the other hand Kyungil wasn’t so sure what to think anymore, too many things had happened in a too short span of time, leaving him lost and confused. He dreamt of meeting Yijeong again, apologizing to him and begging him for a second chance. But how could he do that now, knowing the boy was already in a happy relationship with his close friend?

But there was one other thing that bugged him even more.

“So… Pink?” he almost giggled amused. The story behind it that had to be a funny one. There’s no way Yijeong would ever do that voluntary. Dokyun smiled and rolled his eyes, proving model’s suspicions.

“He lost a bet with his flat mate, and the latter forced him to dye his hair. He hates it though.” This time the doctor laughed wholeheartedly.

“No wonder… He seems like a nice kid though.”

“He is.”

They sat a while in silence, both deep in their thoughts. As it seemed Yijeong didn’t want to reveal their shared past, it wasn’t Kyungil’s place to do that neither. Instead, he asked a few polite questions, those standard ones when you meet your friend’s other half – how did they meet and how did they get together, even though the model wanted nothing more than to copy the pink-head and bolt out of the café to take some time alone to reorganize his feelings. However, his interest wasn’t just pretended, he genuinely wanted to know how Yijeong had been all this time, but it would be suspicious if he asked about it directly.

That’s why, after learning why Dokyun hadn’t told him sooner about the boy (“I didn’t want to jinx it, you know), he steered the conversation to get as much information as he could about the pink-head. But as they say, curiosity killed a cat. An acid mixture of anger and jealousy started fogging the model’s mind after hearing about couple’s first kiss, and it didn’t get any better deeper in the story. Fifteen minutes later Kyungil was more than eager to wrap the meeting up. To prevent himself from doing or saying something stupid he used a made-up excuse about a forgotten photo shoot only to leave as fast as possible.

When they finally bid their goodbyes and Dokyun promised to send him details about Yijeong’s concert, Kyungil couldn’t be more worn out. He could use a drink or two right now, but he did have to work later that day and showing up tipsy and racking the alcohol wasn’t an option.

It wasn’t fair. He should be glad that Yijeong was happy. Apparently Dokyun was able to give the boy something the model couldn’t. Don’t they say that true love is based on selflessness? And yet, he was so fucking jealous. His fault was evident and he couldn’t blame anyone else but himself that Yijeong had left, and yet, he was still angry at the others. At the boy for having forgotten about him. At Dokyun for unknowingly back-stabbing him. At the universe for letting it all happen.

Kyungil wandered around city. A cotton facial mask and a cap were hiding him from the crowd but not from his own doubts and insecurities. Somehow, he felt relieved. At least he was sure that Yijeong was safe and sound. In the very beginning he had been furious – how had the boy dared to leave without any word or a goodbye? Had their relationship meant so little to the younger? However, after the initial anger and feeling of betrayal that had haunted Kyungil, he had become extremely worried for Yijeong.

Two days after the boy’s departure (yes, as funny as it sounded, he had given his lover a few days to come back to his senses and then to him) he had barged into the small pub the boy had worked in, only to learn that he had been fired on the very same day they had argued. The harsh words Yijeong’s boss had used to describe the boy almost had led to the fight, because Kyungil had been more than ready to teach the man the respect for the younger.

The newly acquired piece of information had frightened the model even more. Without any relatives, close friends, nor a job – how could the boy survive in this city? Kyungil had wanted to know so many things – was Yijeong healthy or had he a place to stay? Had he returned to his hometown or stayed in Seoul? Had he eaten properly, had he had enough money not to live from day to day? Had he been lonely?

All of that had slowly begun to overwhelm the man, so he had started to shut all those feelings, telling himself that it had been the best for them. In the long term it had been a right thing to do, hadn’t it? They would have had no future, not in a place like Korea. Not when both of them were _male_ and one of them could be easily recognized on a street. Kyungil had convinced himself that everything had been just a fling, a nice but temporary excitement.

But not even one of his later affairs had given him a fraction of safety and affection he had felt while being with Yijeong. None of the girls had been as perfect as the younger man, not as sweet and not sassy enough. They had been too polite or too rude. Too shy or too energetic. Too short or too tall. It had taken some time for Kyungil to understand that he hadn’t been picky – just none of the girls had been _his boy_. The realization had been hard to grasp, resulting in a few too many drunken nights in arms of faceless women – a scandalous behavior for someone popular, but hey! It’s not like it never happened to any celebrity before.

Why couldn’t he be normal? He had had feelings for girls in the past, why couldn’t he fell for one of them now, get into a normal relationship and have a happy family?

But then it hit him. What did ‘normal’ even mean? Sure, being in love with a person of the same gender as you was perceived as an abnormality, but _why_? It’s not like they’re going to hurt other people with their feelings. And the reasoning that they couldn’t have kids on their own, that people did have to reproduce – what kind of an argument was that? Lots of people were infertile and there were already too many orphans, wouldn’t it be a good deed to adopt one?

A local restaurant that caught Kyungil’s attention and a sudden grumbling in his stomach reminded the model that he should grab a dinner before his next meeting, even though the pressure associated with his uncertain future with Yijeong significantly lowered his appetite. He still wondered if he should pursue his goal to get the boy back or maybe bless his current relationship. Unfortunately for him, the only thing he knew was that he would have to make his mind sooner than later.

But he needed time. The problem wasn’t going to get solved by the flick of fingers, everything had to be carefully rethought. Maybe before his final decision he should wait a little and see how the situation would develop. Yeah, that sounded like a plan. He would wait till the concert and see how it would go.

 

 

~~

 

 

Yijeong got out from the café as fast as he could. His heart was hammering in his chest, pumping the blood filled with adrenaline, while he was running to the club as if his life depended on it, though it wasn’t _that_ late yet. He still had some time before the meeting, but he needed space to process everything that had happened.

What should he do? What were the odds that his recent boyfriend was a bestie with the one man on the whole world Yijeong would gladly never see again? _Fuck this shit and fuck Kyungil!_ Oh, well…

He was confused. He didn’t know what he felt to be honest. What _should_ he feel? Was he angry? No, not yet. It was sitting deep down inside him, but for now it was dimmed by confusion and shock. And by the fact that Kyungil looked so marvelous that Yijeong couldn’t take his eyes of the elder. Also, was it jealousy on the model’s face whenever he was cuddling with Dokyun? This mere though – of Kyungil being still interested in him, somehow made his heart flutter dangerously. That wasn’t a good sign, was it? But there’s no way he was still into the model, he had dealt with that already, leaving everything in the past.

But what if? What if the elder man still had some feelings for him? It was strangely heartwarming to think about it. Yijeong’s cheeks flushed when he remembered the stern look Kyungil shot at Dokyun and him every time they showed any sign of affection towards each other. It reminded him a bit of the ‘honeymoon era’ – as Yijeong called the happy times, when everything had been still good between Kyungil and him. When the model wasn’t afraid to show his fondness. When they had gone on dates sweet enough to guarantee the diabetes to the whole kindergarten (not that he was into so much cuteness, but it was with Kyungil, okay?). When the model had worshiped his body like he was the sole person on the planet. He missed that. He so fucking much missed that…

Yijeong stopped abruptly, shocked by those revelations. What the fuck was he thinking? Dokyun was his current partner, so why his mind kept coming back to the model? He was over him, he had moved on. He had.

Till now, he was in a happy relationship with an amazing, affectionate and caring man. Dokyun was a great and understanding partner, not ideal of course, but close enough. Quite often doctor’s job came in between them, but it was something that Yijeong could understand. On his free days though, the doctor spent as much time with him as he could and it was everything the boy had ever wanted. Dokyun’s feelings for him were strong and honest and he himself felt safe and comfortable, something he almost forgot was possible during the years he spent alone or with Kyungil.

_Kyungil…_

Yijeong would lie if he said he had never thought about the model since he got together with Dokyun. His ex popped in his head at random moments and sometimes the boy caught himself wondering how Kyungil was. It didn’t happen as frequently as when he was single, but it became much more nerve wrecking. He felt guilty. Wasn’t Dokyun enough for him that his mind kept wandering back to the memories of Kyungil?

He blamed it on the fact that he had never told anyone about his previous relationship. Jaeho knew the most about it, yet without any details. Dokyun was aware something had been off, especially since the pink-head had sternly declined the offer to move in together. But still, Yijeong couldn’t get the heartbreak off his chest so it was natural to mope around and think about his ex from time to time, right? Right?

 

 

~~

 

 

The moment Yijeong stepped into their shared apartment, he knew they had a guest. He swore that a pair of elegant, seemingly expensive male shoes, definitely too big for his flat mate, laughed mockingly at him reminding him about Jaeho’s lame excuses. _Another meeting, huh?_ _Fucking liar._

The anger boiled in him, this day was getting worse and worse with every minute. Not only had he met his ex – and he _still_ hadn’t had time to deal with his feelings about it – he was also dumped by Jaeho right before their meeting with Sihyoung. He had to deal with everything alone, just because the musician had forgotten about another important business talk and got away with a not-even-a-bit-apologetic grin before the boy could stop (or hit) him.

“Business my ass,” Yijeong muttered to himself bitterly as he rushed inside the apartment, ready to give Jaeho a stern lecture despite the presence of an anonymous guy. However, the view that displayed in front of him when he entered the living room made him speechless. On their very own sofa, with some papers in one hand, and soda can in another, sat very comfortably no one else but Song. Fucking. Kyungil.

The dull but unwavering pounding in his head made Yijeong think that his brain was going to explode any minute from exhaustion and pent up frustration. He had enough, maybe he was hallucinating? Or maybe Kyungil was stalking him? Either way, the world was apparently cruel and unfair.

Hearing that someone was entering the room, the model looked up curiously to greet the newcomer. He even managed to utter the first syllable, before his brain caught up with his eyes and he finally understood at _who_ he was looking at – his seemingly really, _really_ angry ex-lover.

The boy stood in the door glaring at him, visibly barely holding off his temper. He looked so different in comparison to those short minutes this morning – less collected and much more worn out. Kyungil put the documents down, ready to confront the other man, but he was stopped in his notion by latter’s harsh voice.

“You!” Yijeong barked at the shocked model. The older man froze with eyes wide open, his posture way less casual than before. Yet, he remained seemingly calm, as opposed to Yijeong, who was fuming. Instead of Jaeho it was Kyungil who was going to face the storm, but it was even better. The boy could finally bawl the model out. But first he had to know why the other one was even here.

“What the fuck are you doing here, huh?!” The awkward silence was everything he got though. At that moment Jaeho, bothered by Yijeong’s loud voice, stepped out of the kitchen with a plate full of snacks.

 “Huh, Yijeong, what’s going on?” The blond asked looking back and forth between the model and his friend, trying to understand the situation.

“What’s going on? _What’s going on you ask me?!_ I should be the one asking _you_ this question!” Yijeong snapped, he couldn’t care less about Jaeho or Kyungil’s reaction to his harsh tone. “You told me you had another meeting, you left me alone to deal with fucking everything and for what?! For another quick fuck?! And with who? Him! _Him_! Did you have to? Did you really fucking have to? You fucking liar! Really? What a shitty friend you are?” The last question sounded surprisingly weak and almost helpless, so Yijeong stopped to finally realize that in the middle of his rage rant his eyes watered and he was now on the edge of crying.

A piercing alarm of self-consciousness rang loudly in his mind muting every single thought except for one: to disappear, to vanish, to melt away as soon as possible. To hide in his room and never come out again. But that plan required him to move, what apparently was a mission impossible, as Yijeong’s legs were trembling to the point he could barely stand on his own, not to mention walking.

 _How pathetic…_ He thought crunching down and burring his face into his palms in childish manner ‘if I can’t see them, they cannot see me’. After lashing out it was time for the shame to slowly creep in, because the last thing Yijeong ever wanted, was Kyungil witnessing his miserable break down. Yet there he was – making a scene and losing his dignity crying like a baby, how mature of him.

The other two men stayed still and silent, both trying to grasp the situation. Kyungil decided not to do anything, afraid to trigger another – and in his opinion quite reasonable – outburst from the already shaken boy. Jaeho on the other hand looked like he saw Yijeong for the first time in his life. But then, as he connected some invisible dots, his eyes went wide almost comically.

“No way…” the musician muttered getting the attention of both men. He carefully placed the food on the table before he continued “When you moaned ‘Kyungil’ you meant him?!” He asked bewildered pointing at the man sitting on the sofa. “ _The_ Song Kyungil? A model and a singer?!”

The moment he heard the word ‘moaned’ Yijeong immediately jumped up and bolted towards Jaeho to cover his friend’s mouth, but the damage had been already done, as quite dumbfounded Kyungil questioned “Moaned?”. The boy whined in humiliation while Jaeho impatiently freed himself from younger’s grasp and shot a displeased glare towards the eldest in the room.

“I really thought you were a nice person Kyungil-ssi, I’m disappointed I was proven wrong,” he said formally, shoving Yijeong behind himself protectively, surprising the latter. “I’m asking you nicely to leave this apartment, we can discuss the details of our agreement later on. I will contact you.” The blonde’s voice was cold and distant, way different than his usual tone. Yijeong winced even though those words weren’t meant for him.

Kyungil watched the interaction between those two in daze. Did he really hear what he thought he heard? Yijeong had moaned his name during sex. Yijeong had thought about him while having sex. Jaeho’s short statement held so many information and implication that it was almost overwhelming, however, there was neither time nor place for any contemplation. But he would have plenty time to dig into the topic later, so before he could angrier his hosts even more, he stood up, neatened his clothes and bowed full 90 degree bow towards his, hopefully, future business partner and the boy still hidden behind him.

“I’m deeply sorry for any inconvenience,” Kyungil apologized, straightening. “I hope it won’t influence our future cooperation.” Another bow and few more moments needed to collect his things and to dress and he was out of the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short story even shorter. It's been long. I miss my muse (still salty because of their disbandment). I hate this chapter. But it's my (lame) birthday present for you. I want this chapter off my head.


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